Where would we be without booze? A lot saner perhaps. A lot healthier, definitely. But sure taken in moderation, it does wonders to oil the cogs of conversation. It's when we over-indulge that we run into problems. Perhaps drinking a dram of whiskey from the GOTG cup doesn't yet rate with sipp

Good news for the soon-to-be-winner of Round V. The bottle in February will be sponsored by GrantHill Telecom Solutions, a local company that provides a one-stop source for managing the entire lifecycle of wireless network. It provides complete solutions that serve the traditional network, third and fourth generation technologies, triple-play (voice, data, and services) and specialized applications for microwave communications. Way over my head but then lucky for them, I don't work there! Thanks very much, young Malcolm.

If you've not had a chance to sponsor a round, don't worry! We will gladly accept tombola prizes for the final in March. Remember... the aim is to raise as much money as possible for the orphanage....and to be able to get that bed for Norbert. And if we get some really good prizes - we might just get ourselves an auctioneer and have some fun!

_ All sorts of records were broken during Round IV of Gift of the Gab last night. We had a stellar line-out with three IHBC members battling it out for a place in the final, in the company of a Hungarian actor and an Irish-language teacher. Richard Holmes was first to line out for the public speaking section and share his secret of the marketing world (sex) and how he does everything he can to avoid sex – like drive a Seat, wear cords, and grow a beard (though that one apparently has backfired!) but does a Seat-driving, corduroyed man with a beard really warrant a 6??? mmmmm - I wonder. Next up, Miriam O’Hara entertained us with her account of being the only woman (on staff) in an all-boys school Ireland and her in-class struggles to introduce 16-year-olds to Irish verbs and her on-pitch struggle to get the hang of soccer (her being a GAA girl herself). Mark Downey followed on a more reflective note with his musings on the answer to a better world punctuated with wry and insightful humour. By his reckoning, taking account of national averages, being an Irish man living in Hungary, he’s exactly mid-way through his expected lifespan. Last but one came Patrick McMenamin with an account of putting together Ikea furniture: furniture bought by women and built by men – with a hangover! His tale of putting together a Hermes bed only to find that it didn’t come with all the parts – it was missing the 150 cm blonde with a pony-tail that appeared in the instructions – had the room in stitches. And finally, what started out as a pretty sombre account of leaving Hungary and arriving in New York in 1957 by Gaston Vadasz turned into a very comical rendition of language differences, a little bebop, and left me craving a chocolate malt (or was it a choco mal?).

The judges were tough from the outset and the excuse of ‘I’m new at this’ was bandied around a lot at first but soon gave way to some solid and not-so-solid reasoning. It seemed as if everything from which soccer club the speakers supported to their ability to sing and dance and even their accent was up to be judged. With more than one hundred people in Smiley’s, it’s little surprise that the audience made its feelings known and wasn’t at all backward about coming forward with boos or cheers depending on the scores.

The impromptu round – speaking in public – was, as always, a little more exciting. Everything seems to hang on the topic pulled from the hat. First up, Richard, let the audience decide between Blue Moon and his First Kiss. No competition really. One of the judges was more than a little peeved that he didn’t reveal all: her name, how old he was, where it happened... The armchair gabbers – i.e. those sitting in the safety of the audience – had lots of opinions of what he could have done with the subject, but like a first kiss, this first GOTG impromptu is one Richard will remember for a while. Miriam, perhaps learning that giving the audience the choice isn’t always the best option, took a chance on her first pick – Is the age of chivalry dead? – and told us how some knight in shining armour helped her with one of her bags when she first arrived in Budapest airport. He picked it up and kept on walking! Mark had the misfortune to draw 18th Century Italian Opera  on his first pick – and no matter what else he choose, he just knew that the audience was going to go with that. But in fairness, he tried to tempt them by drawing The art of tying a bow tie. They didn’t fall for it. He did get extra points for singing something vaguely operatic and he’d have gotten extra points from one judge had he been able to name even one 18th century Italian opera – tough judges – very tough subject.

Neck and neck after the first round, Patrick and Gaston were the ones to beat. Patrick drew the awkward Spa vs Wellness and the equally awkward Golden Globe Award. No prizes for guessing which the audience picked but they were left guessing when he launched into an account of football matches shown in the Caledonian. How were people to know that SPA stood for Scottish Premier Athletic (or some such) and that Motherwell FC had to change its name to Wellness when it went bankrupt? Inspired. Gaston stuck with his first pick – Bald men are better. He reckoned that being follicley challenged meant that you have to try harder – and as Mark had already cornered the singing market, Gaston showed us a few nifty dance steps. Judges were suitably impressed and despite their abuse of superlatives (cmon lads...if ‘excellent’ doesn’t warrant a 10, what does?) the cup went home with the right person.

Patrick showed us what the Gift of the Gab is all about: that ability to talk readily, glibly,
and convincinglyabout anything. He was so convincing that three notables (names omitted to save their embarrassment) actually wondered when Motherwell changed its name!

A huge thank you to all involved – to David Saddington for standing in for Jeremy (and no, they’re not related); to Kath and Csilla for doing the door; to Fun Palace for sponsoring the trophy; to IHBC for sponsoring the bottle; to Maiya (sp?) for taking the photographs; to the audience for coming out and supporting the event; to the judges for being so.... judgemental (it's a thankless job but someone has to do it!); to Smiley’s for the hospitality; and to the speakers for braving the stage.

The final is going to be one helluva night!

Welcome to 2012 - and for those of you who have had to be dragged kicking and screaming into this new year, why not come along to Round IV of the Gift of the Gab and cheer yourself up! We have five speakers taking the stage this month and it promises to be an eventful evening. Three IHBC members (Mark Downey, Patrick McMenamin and Richard Holmes) find themselves on stage (hey ho! some friendly rivalry going on there no doubt) alongside Ms Miriam O'Hara and Hungarian actor Gaston Vadasz. A note to the regulars: this would be a good night to throw your hat into the judges ring!

Tickets reservations are flowing in so if you haven't booked your ticket yet, please do so. See ye on the night! Wednesday 18th January, 7.30pm SHARP at Smiley's.