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  • Final of the Finalists

The final of the finalists

22/9/2015

 
The last drop of adrenaline has drained and life is back to normal, or as normal as it gets. Memories of Friday night still live on, where about 180 people gathered to see who in Budapest would win the coveted Gabber title as finalists from the five seasons met on stage at New Orleans in the Gift of the Gab Final of the Finalists.

Matty Ryan, our sacrificial speaker, eased us in to the night as he explained  how the Irish have adapted the English language and made it more colourful, replacing the ever-so-awfully 'I'm an idiot' with 'I'm a right feckin' eejit'.

With judges Richard Holmes, Pat Kelly, Robin Gilpin, Donal O'Neill, and Gretchen Meddaugh primed to start, the competition got underway.

First up, Patrick McMenamin (winner of the 2012 GOTG), added a touch of style to the night by appearing in his kilt and taking us through his experience of the Hungarian Post Office. Yes, it's been done before, and memorably too, back in 2012, when Declan Hannigan did it justice. But Patrick brought his own twist to it, as he waxed nostalgically about brown knitted curtains. His road to the final saw him give two other prepared speeches, one on putting together an Ikea bed while under the influence and another on his manifesto were he to run for Mayor. 

Second up, American Hans Peterson, who won the 2013 competition with a speech about his mother's success with Internet dating and a second that wove religion, mid-life crises, and Facebook together, declared his candidacy for US President. By his reckoning, America needs a ginger (rhyme with ringer) in the White House. 

Next the 2014 winner, Hungarian Viktor Morandini, who got his place in the final on the back of two other prepared speeches - the perks of being dumped and the difficulties of putting on weight - shared my angst at not having an Irish competitor in the final and sought to reassure me that each of the five competitors had some Irish trait that would serve them well. And he had the phrase of the night - the best non-sport, non-naked time he'd spent - now if only I could remember what he was doing...

British/Hungarian Jennifer Walker talked about failure, even though as winner of the 2015 final, her road to Friday night was paved with successful speeches on expat drinking habits and travels in India. Her witty account of her attempt to complete a half-marathon and her realisation that she's a walker, not a runner resonated.

The man from England, Rupert Slade, came clean about his addiction to Facebook and how he detoxed on his honeymoon. In search of a cure, he asked us NOT to like his posts. This from the first ever finalist - Rupert won the opening round back in 2010 - whose two other prepared speeches included a dissection of How Are You in different languages and his classic opener - a speech made up entirely of song titles - which he sung!

The judges did their job and the title was there for the taking going into the impromptu round.

Hans picked two topics - Sharon Stone and the Significance of Insignificant Events. The audience voted and were treated to a reflective three minutes on the little things in life, those seemingly unimportant events and the impact they can have. His previous impromptus were travelling and getting used to new countries and doing the Harlem Shake with the latter clinching his place in the final of the finalists.

Jennifer also picked two - Noses and Cats. Yup - the audience certainly didn't lack imagination when it came to suggestions. The audience went for Noses - something a tad more difficult than Jennifer's previous experience with why I want to be a spider and the difference between push and pull and give and take. But back to noses - and what would Budapest be like if it didn't smell of eau d'piss in the summer...

Viktor, having previously imprompted (I know that's not a word) on teaching an onion how to talk and all good deeds have equal punishment, chose two topics as well. The audience went for the benefits of being drunk the whole time over thinking about gorillas in the zoo. And while we never did get to the benefits, we did get an introduction to beer orienteering :-)

Rupert was next and drew the short straw of the night. Faced with a choice of why carbonara is better than bolognese and Mary Murphy, the audience wanted him to dish out the dirt on me - but being the gentleman that he is, he found some restraint somewhere. Those who remember his winning first round impromptus - female menopause and why is bird shit black and white - perhaps wished he had gone for it and suffered the wrath. Me? I'm glad he didn't.

Last up, Patrick didn't go to the audience. He picked one topic and stuck with it - peas.  And back in 2009, in the very first heat of the very first series, Mark Griffith picked the same subject. Talk about closure! The Scotsman who had previously pontificated on why girls hate football, what women want, and spa vs wellness, showed a mental dexterity that had the audience in knots. Cursed with a condition called elbinism, Patrick can't pronounces the letter L - so please is pease, etc. It was hilarious. Watch it here...

When the scores were tallied it was no surprise that Patrick won the night. After 5 seasons, 31 events, more than a 100 speakers, the Final of the Finalists marked the end of the Gift of the Gab. It has run its course. And as Jerry Seinfeld once said - quit while you're on top.

A massive thanks to the team who have made it all happen - Kath Griffiths, Ilona Miklos, Zsuzsanna Viszlay, Zsuzsa Bozo, Jeremy Wheeler, Steve Saracco, Stephen Collison, David Saddington and everyone else who has contributed to its success.

To the judges who have held up the green cards over the years and to the speakers who have put themselves on the line - a huge round of applause to you all.

And to the sponsors - those who gave to the raffle so that we could give, it wouldn't have been the same without out you:  Embassy of Ireland; IHBC; Jack Doyle's; Iguana; Toscana; Little Britain; Messers Delaney, McDermott and Keenan; XpatLoop; Janus Hotels; Guinness (Liquid Gold); New Orleans; Celanese; Ringlow; Caledonia. Thank you. 

We raised another 520 000 ft on the night - not bad going at all.

And remember, the next work trip to the orphanage is in October - check the IHBC website for details and keep an eye on the GOTG Facebook page.

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Doubling our money

14/3/2015

 
A stellar performance was witnessed by hundreds last Thursday night as the final of the 2015 Gift of the Gab, and the final in the five-year series, brought a new standard to the stage. The five finallists, having made their way through their qualifying rounds, gave the audience a night to remember.

First up, Stephen Collison, gave his reasons for always wearing sensible underwear; reasons that involved lipstick-kissed briefs, dragon aunts, and closets. Dónal O'Neill elicited bucket-loads of empathy as he recounted his efforts to learn the mouth organ and clarified the age-old confusion about the missionary position. Miklos Morandini, in what was the cleverest GOTG speech since Gretchen Meddaugh's wonderful Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon, talked about replacing our idolatry of sports with science. Think heart-transplant relay. Jennifer Walker regaled us with stories of her recent travels in India spiced with curried pizzas. And finally, Gerard Lucey introduced us to the concept of manopause. Next time you pass him in traffic, check out the rolex draped around the steering wheel. 

With all to play for and the crowd in fine form, the impromptu round didn't disappoint. Miklos picked two topics straight off: When life gives you lemons, you make lemonade; what do you do when life gives you cheese? and Facebook or Twitter. Not surprisingly, the audience vote for the latter was a resounding silence. Turns out, Miklos is the cheese in our lives and it's up to us to decide what to do with him. Steve took the opposite approach resolving to do whatever topic he pulled first: My best friend's worst fault.  He blames Hans Peterson for being too encouraging and landing him on stage at GOTG. Not satisfied with Ideas are your greatest weapon, Dónal went for a second pick, one the audience fancied, too: The judges. He cleverly kept his sycophancy at bay until the end as he first took us on a tour of his aspirations to be a Supreme Court Judge. Having already talked about her trip to India, Jennifer (and the audience) said no to My funniest trip abroad and instead tackled I wish to be a spider.  Who knew how great life would be if we had eight hands or legs and a family who didn't have the same attitude as Gregor Samsa's in Kafka's The Metamorphisis.  Last up, Gerard's pick Culture is not a luxury but a necessity was received by silence as the audience went for Hot flatmates. If you remember Gerard's great qualifying speech about the man he met on his trip to Croatia, it wasn't at all surprising that he'd opt to share a flat with a hot guy sooner than a hot girl.

The judges - Kevin, Viki, Judy, Mark, and Gordon - did their job. The winner of the 2015 Gift of the Gab is Jennifer Deborah Walker.

The night was a great success with many sponsors contributing to the raffle. Viking Services led the way with a 100 000 ft voucher for Knrdy Restaurant. The top prize in the raffle - dinner for two at the Michelin-starred Costes - was donated by XpatLoop. And other sponsors included New Orleans, Jack Doyle's, The Caledonia, Becketts, Little Britain, Liquid Gold (Guinness), the Burns Foundation, The Embassy of Ireland, Moszar Café, and Interelocations. A massive thanks to all the speakers who have taken part this year; to the judges who have engaged so enthusiastically; and to you, the audience for supporting the cause.

A particular thanks to Zsuzsa Bozo for organising the final night and to Kath (tickets), Ilcsi and Zsuzsa (mics), Steve and Debbie (photos), and the inimitable Steve Saracco, who gamely stood in for the absent Jeremy Wheeler. Thanks, too, to The Jookers for keeping the party going with their fantastic music.

On the night, we more than matched what was already in the kitty by raising 645 000 ft, giving us a grand total of 1, 282,000 for this year. A great result.

We'll be back in September with the final final where we will pit the five finallists from the five years against each other to see who takes the overall title.

Paving stones and a new holy trinity

13/2/2015

 
The last qualifying round of the 2015 Gift of the Gab was one not to be missed and might well rank up there with the best of the best of the five-year quest to see who in Budapest has that innate ability to speak about anything to anyone, anytime. With the spirit of the Blitz invoked by the inimitable Jeremy Wheeler from the outset, our one-time venue at Mozsár Kávéhaz provided a new stage for our five speakers.

First up, Irishman Dónal O'Neill regaled us with the results of his research into the end of men and the rise of women. Next up, Englishman Richard Holmes introduced us to his Plan B and toured us through the three cities he's lived in: Birmingham, Bangkok, and Budapest. Hungarian Attila Szigeti almost had a clean sweep with his hilarious account of how the lack of 10c nearly ruined his love life. Another Emerald Isler Mark Downey, a self-professed SAHD (stay-at-home-dad), introduced the non-Hungarian section of the audience to the concept of hoovering snot out of a kid's nose and shared with everyone the torturous caring for an infant boy's genitalia. Life will never be the same again. Last up, Englishman Ryan Philips delivered some embarrassing clangers, as he amused us with his (failed!) attempts to speak Hungarian.

With the easier (!) prepared speeches over, it was time to start on the impromptus and to see who really had the gift of the gab - variously defined as (i) to talk idly or incessantly, as about trivial matters, (ii) the ability to talk readily, glibly, and convincingly, and (iii) the ability to speak easily and confidently in a way that makes people want to listen to you and believe you.
The audience were in fine fettle and the judges (especially the Welsh representation) were really taking to the spirit of the Blitz.

First up, Ryan went to the audience with two choices: the true meaning of civilisation and is there a time when it's better to lie than tell the truth. They went for the latter and there followed some dark secrets from Ryan's dating past when he would attempt to pass himself off as anything but a student.  Richard's choice for the audience was stark: paving stones or singing in the bathroom. Their mean streak showing in all its glory, the audience went for the former but Richard had the last laugh. In what was a truly inspired account of being a paving stone in his last life, he managed the first clean sweep (all 10s)  in GOTG 2015 for an impromptu speech. I think the last one was Pat Loughran's take on Michael Jackson's glove way back in 2011. With his work cut out for him, Dónal followed, again going to the audience who remained notably quiet on his first salsa lesson, opting instead for the more philosophical me, myself, and I. The Irishman didn't disappoint and in the second clean sweep of the night, he introduced Hungary to the new holy trinity. With two clean sweeps preceding him, Mark was under pressure. He gave the audience a choice between his picks: The moment you realised Santa didn't exist (JFW is still in shock) and the worst thing about being dumped. I'm invoking the 'what happens at sea stays at sea' rule here and suffice to say that if you weren't there on the night you missed the worst (best?) thing about Mark being dumped. Last up, Attila picked tablecloths (authored by the same person who suggested paving stones!) and why there is no democracy in marriage. The audience chose the latter and we were left with images of tall women and short men. The things you learn at GOTG.

The judges - Wendy, Tim, Brent, Elaine and Tim C - did their job with spirit and took the audience reaction into account. With one point in it, the man to take his place in the 2015 final next month is he of the holy trinity - Dónal O'Neill. We can only hope that he brings all three of himself to the gig.

Massive thanks to Zsofi and the gang at Mozsár for hosting us (and donating their venue). It's a great little place with full video and audio capability should you be in need of somewhere to meet. Thanks, too, to Granthill Fitness Studios for the bottle of whisky and to the IHBC for the trophy. And making the night work with its usual aplomb were Steve on photos, Kath on tickets, Ilona and Zsuzsa on the roving mics, and Jeremy on scores. Thanks to you all.

When the Cotton Club dropped the bomb that they wouldn't be  open this month, the frantic search for a new venue began. Huge thanks are due to Zsuzsa and Patrick from the Caledonia for negotiating and helping out with chairs and tables and glasses - yez are angels!

The final is in March - on Thursday the 12th. Tickets are limited  and must be purchased in advance so be sure to get yours when they go on sale (hopefully next week). Watch this space for details.


What's the difference between a duck?

15/1/2015

 
The penultimate qualifying round for the 2015 GOTG was certainly interesting. Five speakers took to the stage in an effort to impress the judges and win over the audience. Did they succeed?

First up, Peter Temesvary told us of his first ever public speech that literally brought the chandelier down. Daniel Stalter talked of his first ... first ship that is, and regaled us with stories from the Navy. Matty Ryan, in what, to my mind, was one of the best true GOTG-style speeches I've heard in a long time, posed the philosophical question: What's the difference between a duck? Miklos Morandini caught all our attention with his opening line: What are the Irish doing in Budapest, and a speech that netted him 49/50 points. Gordon Cross took us through the circle of life from a shepherd's perspective and, in his inimitable tongue-in-cheek fashion, gave us all an education.

The judges - Francis, Patrick, Pat, Charles, and Julie - were in fine fettle, a fettle that fermented as the night progressed.

In the second half - the impromptu round - the audience went for the first kiss over stage fright and Dan was back talking about firsts again and we now know he has a thing for brunettes. For Peter, they chose speedos vs shorts over the revoking of diplomatic immunity. Did you know they have snake-rearing farms in Lithuania? Matty could have spoken about keeping fit, but the audience went for farting in public - getting old. Gordon was saddled with being stuck in an elevator with a stranger - which has happened three times in reality - rather than having to talking about pretending to like his job. Miklos drew two clangers: what to do when grandpa tells the same story for the 100th time and pain barrier. The audience went for the latter and he went for orienteering.

With just one point in it, Miklos took the prize and will be joining Gerard, Jennifer, and Steve at the final in March.

Thanks ever so to our sponsors: Jack Doyle's for the bottle of booze, IHBC for the trophy, and the Cotton Club for the venue. Thanks, too, to Beth for doing the door, Ilona for the impromptu topics, Kristof and Tamás for doing the mics, and to Jeremy for doing what he does best.

We raised a whopping 152 000 (thanks to a very generous donation from the wandering Irishman Pat Davitt). And you can bask in the glory of knowing you did your bit for the orphanage.

February's venue is up in the air. The Cotton Club will be closed. If any of you know of somewhere (free) that will take 100 or so people and has a bar, let me know ASAP. Cheers.

Bear chasing and beering

28/11/2014

 
Round III of the 2015 Gift of the Gab brought out the storytellers. First up, Michael Sexton, himself a Liverpudlian, regaled us with tales of 28 drunken Scousers on holiday, and introduced a new word to Budapest - bladdered (Scouser for really drunk). Next Tim Bender shaped a commentary on dyslexia into a great story of finding a tour guide when he first came to Budapest eons ago. Steve Collison owned up to being the legendary hero in the Yosemite tale: The Bear Chaser and had photographic evidence to prove his point. Francesca Bard showed her commitment to her life mantra - do something every day that scares you. Her first time on stage, she used her five minutes to tell a story about respect. Wrapping up the first half, Andrea Rimaszombati explored the differences between men and women - I never noticed before that men never ask other men to accompany them to the loo.

Judges Andrew, Brendan, Jwanna, Tamás and Zsuzsa were definitely putting the slam element in the whole speech slam thing.

In the impromptu round, Mikey went to the audience with his two picks: The No. 3 Metro and Most outrageous experience with the opposite gender. No prizes for guessing which they went for - and yes, he introduced yet another new word for many: MILF. Look it up - I'm too embarrassed to say. Tim decided to stick with his first choice - Sibling rivalry - a subject many could identify with - the jealous older sister and the competitive younger brother. Next up, Andrea also went to the audience with What would you photoshop about yourself and Does size matter? Now, in keeping with the mood that seemed to have overtaken the audience, it was of little surprise that it was size that preoccupied them. But the size of what? Clothes? Food? Francesca drew two topics - The Walking Dead and The best feeling in the world. The audience went for the latter and after a rocky start she got into her stride and summed it up as when you achieve something that's unexpected and it's all down to you. Finally Steve had a choice between Knights in white satin and memory issues. I was a tad surprised that the audience didn't go for 'nights' in white satin - but it was memory issues they wanted and Steve gave them lists.

At the end of the night though, it was Steve Collison who took the bottle of booze donated by the Caledonia and the trophy donated by the IHBC. He will take his place on stage again in March alongside Gerard Lucey and Jennifer Walker.

Thanks to all who made it such a great night. We raised 93 000 forint on the door. Thanks also to Ilona and Csilla for doing the mics, to Kath for doing the door, to Steve and Hans for photos, to the Cotton Club for the venue, to Jeremy for scorekeeping, to the judges for judging, to the speakers for speaking, and to the audience for being there.

See you all in January.


From expats with drinking problems to women in beards...

30/10/2014

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Round II of the 2015 GOTG got off to a slow start, literally, last night. But it soon found the pace and was, by all accounts, one of the most enjoyable nights in the series so far. Five speakers took to the stage to woo an audience of 90 or so regulars and newcomers alike.

First up was an old hand, Balázs Tóth who amused us with his account of meeting women at airports, and the dangers that chocolate, Cadbury Flakes in particular, can pose to a relationship. Following second, Ildi Amon put sarcasm to good use in an excellently written piece on football hooliganism in Budapest. I hope she posts it somewhere as it is well worth a read. Next, the only Irish man of the evening, Frank Carlin, with a voice made for radio, shared with us why he adopted Oscar Wilde as his role model. Jennifer Walker then took us to various countries, exploring their drinking habits and gave some insight into the correlation between expat life and booze.  Finally, Tamás Kiss made his GOTG stage debut, going public with how he, as a Russian teacher, contributed to bringing down the last regime.

With the audience a little looser and the speakers playing for the bottle of Famous Grouse donated by Richard Holmes and Gerrards Wealth Management, it was all to play for.

Ildi went to the audience with her choices - Nagymezo utca on a Friday evening or beer vs wine. No prizes for guessing which they picked. Was/is Piaf really a brothel? And who knew there were so many men picking up women in Instant. Balázs also went to the audience with his picks - sex at airports or the Cotton Club. Even though we'd already been to the airport with him, the audience wanted Part II. And they got it. For Frank, the audience was more curious about what he would have for his last meal rather than what he thought of the everyday variety of Hungarian fashion that he sees. In what can only be described as a very graphic account of Francois Mitterand's last meal of Ortolan, he educated us all. If you're curious to know more, check this link. But in sum, what sort of food would Frank eat? A lot. With Tamás, not one person want to hear about shining in the spotlight. The audience was unanimous in
its vote to hear him speak on hormonal imbalance. And in a word, it was hilarious. With his punfarts and secondary sexual objects, and women and beards, he had the audience in stitches. Jennifer went for two picks, too, with the audience curious to  know the difference between push and pull and give and take rather than showing any interest in what she'd make of the troublesome kid. Clearly defining her take on it all, Jennifer went with reciprocity vs toxic when it comes to relationships.

The judges - Szilvi, Gordon, Robin, Virginia, and Tim - were on form and in the end, there was a winner. Ms Jennifer Walker will be joining Gerard Lucey on stage for the final in March.

Thanks again to Richard Holmes for the booze and to the IHBC for the trophy. To Kath for the door, Ilona and Miklos for the mics, Steve for taking photos, Jeremy for being his inimitable self, to the Cotton Club for the venue and most of all, to the audience - we added 97 000 huf to the kitty bringing the 2015 total to 202 000 huf. Not bad for a night's work.

See ye next month - 26 November - when we'll get to see our photographer extraordinaire, Steve Collison, take to the stage.
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A long threatening comes at last

17/9/2014

 
Round I of the Gift of the Gab 2015 went off in style at the Cotton Club tonight. More than 100 people showed up to support the five speakers in their quest for a place in the March 2015 final.

First up, Markus Frakes, introduced gophers to Hungary in his clever account of life in small-town Colorado. Next, Steven Nelson (a recently naturalised Hungarian) displayed what the inimitable Jeremy Wheeler called 'culinary xenophobia' as he explained how his hatred of sour cream impacts his relationships. Harlan Cockburn gave a very insightful and thought-provoking speech on computers (one that made me wish I'd better primed the judges that the GOTG is NOT stand-up; it's entertainment). Gerard Lucey had the audience in knots as he came out of his closet and told us of Darko - the man of his dreams! You just had to be there:-) Jwana Stevenson was at her inspirational best and had the audience hugging themselves as she explored our attitude to our bodies.

The judges (Rupert, Rockstar Terry, Tunde, Jane, and the one and only Kiss Tamas) were on form - although at times I did wonder if we were all in the same room :-)

The second half - the impromptu round - saw Marcus asking the audience to choose between Dancing the Macarena vs doing the Hokey Cokey and the more esoteric Yes or No. We ended up line dancing in a bar in Colorado. (The glove was a lovely touch, Marcus!) Harlan stuck with his first pick - Dreams can come true - as he gave us all hope for tomorrow with his account of a retired RAF pilot who dreamt there was oil in the Bristol Channel. Steve went to the audience to decide between Something lucky that happened to me and Smelly feet. In an odorless account of the former, he told of how Prague's loss was Budapest's gain. Jwana, too, let the audience choose, this time between I often dream that I was a ham and Squid. Suffice to say that I will never eat a box of Cadbury's Milk Tray again...Squid it was. JFW had to go to the audience for clarification with Gerard's picks. Polyoxymethelene (WTFII?)  and American Pie. Invoking the powers of his Auntie Nora's apple pie, the man from Dublin now has the dubious distinction of being the second Irish man to make a  GOTG final. Yes, Gerard Lucey won the night and will face off against another four finallists next March.

A great night was had by all. Well, I had a blast. Despite the nerves. No one died. All survived. And we raise a whopping 105 000 huf for our orphanage. Thanks to Tim Child and Little Britain for sponsoring the bottle of Jameson. To the IHBC for the trophy. To the Cotton Club for the venue. To Steve Collison for taking the photos. To Kath for doing the door. And to Ilcsi and Zsuzsa for doing the mics. I would thank Jeremy for scorekeeping, but I'm still peeved at him for correcting my English. Bloody cheek. Darwin could have been a naturist naturalist!

To those of you who said you'd do it in October or November or January or February, send in those photos and bios ASAP.... I'm a woman of little patience.

Cast out by the system from virtually everywhere

2/8/2014

 
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Do you ever wonder how it might feel if your hands, your feet, or your brain did not function like everybody else’s? If you needed help even to roll over from one side to the other, and you could not eat, wash yourself, or go to the toilet alone? Most people are terrified of the thought that someday they might have to experience this extreme vulnerability; they are terrified of the possibility that they might have a child who will never be able to run into their arms, laughing – just like many of us are struck with fear when meeting a disabled person. Though struggling with most problems of the Hungarian disability care system, while nursing 220 children and adults with severe and multiple disabilities, the Topház in Göd is striving to show that even the lives of people with the most severe physical and mental disabilities can be liveable and meaningful, that the connection can be found even to the most autistic child, that the word ‘people’ does not only include smiling, tanned people with 32 teeth.

Approximately 15,000‒18,000 people with severe and multiple disabilities live in Hungary, including 3000‒3500 minors. Disabled people in this category have at least two severe disabilities, so they need support and care all their life. Most of them have severe mobility impairment and cannot speak, and more than three-quarters of them have mental disabilities. They can be considered as one of the most disadvantaged groups even within the Hungarian disabled population.

People with severe and multiple disabilities are cast out by the system from virtually everywhere: they can hardly be admitted even to kindergarten, and they drop out of school very early – assuming they are admitted there in the first place. As adults, they can no longer access the services of day-time institutions and residential facilities, while supportive housing practically is practically non-existent in Hungary. Their subsistence as adults is almost completely unresolved as well. Thus, civil rights organizations say, the biggest problem facing this group is one of complete abandonment, for which the only solution the state has is to gather these completely vulnerable people into mass institutions.

‘I don’t intend to shock you but I know you will be shocked anyway. Many here are in a condition that some people could not even imagine,’ says the director of Topház in Göd, Tamás Formanek, as he opens the door for me to one of the wings of the institution nursing children and adults with severe and multiple disabilities. It is not an exaggeration. At first, the sight is indeed mostly frightening but after the first shock, when we get used to the fact that we see different kinds of bodies here than in everyday life, then we also realize how much the residents smile and with how much effort they try to show as much as possible of their own world. (Photo: János Bődey / Index)


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The Topház in Göd, operating in the former Schöffer Mansion, is an unconventional institution in many ways but its peculiarity derives exactly from the characteristics of the poorly organized system. Pursuant to the de-institutionalization strategy aimed at the termination of big residential facilities caring for disabled people, it could not be that big ‒ it has 220 residents, aged from 18 months to 50 years ‒ and due to recent reforms, officially no education may be organized in it either. So the employees of the institution do their best to create liveable lives for the residents at the intersection of problems affecting education and social care systems. ‘If we sat down to take into account all the problems regarding functioning, we would not even feel like living. So it cannot be dealt with that way; but it must be done, we have to go forward,’ the director said. (Photo: János Bődey / Index)


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Many small children go to Göd directly from the hospital after their birth: their parents simply leave them there. At first, this may sound brutal and cruel but Formanek says we must not condemn these parents either. ‘Who would not be terrified if a small child could only be fed through a nose probe? Very few people think that they would have the ability for this level of nursing, and such severe cases that would ruin the whole family, both in financial and psychological terms, often arise,’ he said. The small children admitted to Göd can stay in the institution for the rest of their lives. They can also get involved as adults in different work: for instance they help in gardening, laundry services, and keeping the petting zoo clean and tidy. However, no external players participate in their social employment, so even those capable of work cannot be employed outside the walls of the institution. (Photo: János Bődey / Index)


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 ‘The attitude of the majority of people towards disability is like “OK, it is terrible that it exists” but as long as it does not happen to them, they are not really interested. But everyone can have an impaired child, or they themselves can become impaired in an accident so that they get into a condition similar to that of our residents. This is a quantifiable risk but as long as there is no trouble, nobody believes this risk to be real,’ said Formanek. ‘A woman can have the best physician, she can take the best pregnancy vitamins, she can eat the healthiest food ‒ there still remain cases that no geneticist can filter out, and no vitamin can change. The set of problems resulting from all this is what comes to us.’ (Photo: János Bődey / Index)


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Most residents spend all their lives in Topház; there are only very rare cases when someone is taken back by their families, adopted, or transferred to another social institution. Most residents of the institution are under state care but parents can admit their disabled child to Topház even without renouncing their right to guardianship. This can mean relief in cases where the parents cannot bear the physical and mental burden resulting from continuous nursing but they do not want to make their small child disappear, almost as if “it has not happened”. That’s why the residents can be visited anytime, or the children can even be taken home by their parents for the weekends and holidays. Since only a small number of the residents are visited regularly by their relatives, there are separate visiting rooms in the building, so that the ones to whom nobody ever comes will not be saddened.’ (Photo: János Bődey / Index)


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Pursuant to the Education Act of 1993, there is no child that cannot be educated, i.e., everybody is entitled to education. However, in the interpretation of the Hungarian education system, children with severe and multiple disabilities cannot be educated in school circumstances because their physical condition is too poor. This obviously depends on our concept of school: if school was not only a place where children have to sit at their desks taking notes but a place where everybody learns what they need for life, then it would not be so hard to imagine that disabled people could also attend schools. (Photo: János Bődey / Index)


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In Topház, the 44 minors are educated individually because the majority are confined to bed. Although within the current system, the education of these children seems basically unsolvable, this method is against the rules within the current framework: since 2011,educational activities can only be performed in a public education institution. However, an institution caring for severely disabled people does not belong to this category but to that of social institutions. The special education teachers working there are not treated by the system as normal teachers either, which is also manifested in the fact that they were not involved in the pay rise of last year. (Photo: János Bődey / Index)


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Education in Topház is obviously totally different than in an average school. On the one hand, children here are not taught how to read and write but to eat, keep clean, brush their teeth, and other essential things. On the other hand, education is much more personal than it is when a teacher stands by their desk and tries to transfer knowledge, without knowing if they managed to get through to their audience. With disabled children, teachers try to communicate through all their senses, even through smell, light, and touch but the least with words. It is immediately visible on the student if certain information has got through. Children often need to be directed to the right movement with guidance and touch; that’s why there is a much more direct relationship between teacher and student. Furthermore, every development plan is designed in an individualized manner, adjusted to the given child’s abilities. (Photo: János Bődey / Index)


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The basic idea of special education is that everyone should be given the chance to develop, and the key for development should be found even in the case of disabled children with the most severe conditions. ‘The brain is an amazing invention of nature, since if a proportion of its cells die, the rest is able to take over their functions, provided they are taught how to do so,’ the director explained. Therefore, special education does not set levels or milestones to achieve, and instead of concentrating on what the child is not capable of, it focuses on the things the child may be able to do and then builds on their skills. There are no set milestones or levels to achieve, but it is always a great experience of success if the child can manage to solve a task. Beyond developmental activities, the residents, children, and adults alike, take trips and go to the theatre on a regular basis. Some of them also go cycling. From many aspects, even taking a trip means exceeding some boundaries, as outsiders start wondering why disabled people do things like that. ‘Why on earth should not we take trips?’ Formanek wonders. (Photo: János Bődey / Index)


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Development and education in isolated institutions has its drawbacks as well, even though it does not seem possible for many children at first to get regular development elsewhere. According to civil rights organizations such as TASZ (the Hungarian Civil Liberties Union), the biggest problem is caused by the fact that in most cases, parents of children with severe and multiple disabilities have to choose between providing an education to their child or raising them at home, as development is not possible at the nearby schools, and there are only a few special institutions in the country. The splitting up of the family traumatizes the children, while the parents often battle with remorse for putting their child into an institution for life. (Photo: János Bődey / Index)


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The atmosphere in Topház reflects neither the underlying bureaucratic fight, nor the fact that proportionally there are fewer caregivers in the institution, due to statutory regulation, than would be necessary compared to the severity of the condition of the great number of residents. Despite all this, Topház aims to function as a big family. Thus, the rooms are not separated according to age; another advantage of which is that the older ones can provide help for the young ones and the more able ones for the less able ones. In principle, some of the activities take place separately, but why should an adult not listen to the tale read for the smaller ones? (Photo: János Bődey / Index)


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Currently, in compliance with EU trends, a de-institutionalization strategy is in effect in Hungary lasting until 2041, i.e., disabled and psychiatric patients should be placed in small residential homes or integrated into society in some other way by this date. The most common objection against these huge institutions is that such a large number of people simply cannot feel comfortable together, Formanek explained. However, according to the employees of Topház, the closeness of the others is not bothersome for the residents; moreover, since most of them have great difficulty with communicating with the outside world, the relationships within the institution gain more importance for them. (Photo: János Bődey / Index)


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Besides the mansion building, a residential home also functions in Topház, where those people who are able to cope with their condition and accomplish their own needs to some extent are placed. However, such a residential home is not a possibility for many of the people with severe and multiple disabilities because of their inability to care for themselves. In their case, the aim is the development of caregiving close to their home; in other words that their parents be provided with special help regarding nursing and childcare in their own homes on a regular basis. Under current Hungarian circumstances, this seems to be a distant utopian goal. (Photo: János Bődey / Index)


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The integration of people with severe mental disabilities is also difficult because of the lack of a uniform symbol which could indicate the nature of their condition; for example, a wheelchair in connection with the physically disabled or a white stick in the case of the blind. Whilst many people don’t like using a white stick or a wheelchair precisely because of their stigmatizing effect, according to Formanek, these tools help the majority to assess how they may and should treat a wheelchair user or a blind person. There is no such clue in the case of mentally disabled people; many do not even know what this condition really means, and thus they are unable to cope with the situation. (Photo: János Bődey / Index)


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Nonetheless, integration is of utmost importance also for the residents of great institutions living completely isolated from the rest of society. ‘Integration depends not only on the receiving society but also on what we do to achieve it,’ the director said. Therefore, the caregivers try to escort the residents of Topház shopping as often as possible, and they attend events held in Göd and the vicinity as well. For example, they had a great success last summer at the Dunakeszi Festival with their dance performance. By the way, Topház enjoys good relations with the locals, many of whom provide help to the house with voluntary work, and the local papers also regularly publish articles on the institution, which is also of great help with regard to integration and acceptance of the residents. (Photo: János Bődey / Index)


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As people with severe and multiple disabilities are forced to express themselves from a very early age without every-day communication tools ‒ many of them cannot even cry as babies to express their needs ‒ they usually try to bridge the gap between their need to connect and their ability to communicate in a way which is incomprehensible to their environment, and which may seem unintelligible or even repellent at first. (Photo: János Bődey / Index)


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Many of the people who have visited Topház ask why these people live at all and what the point is in such a life. ‘I think no one should ever ask such questions about the life of another person. How can you decide whose life is more valuable? On what grounds can anyone state that the life of a man sitting all day long in the pub spending his life in alcoholic delusion is more valuable than that of any of our residents? However, while I do not condemn my alcoholic fellowmen, many people question the point of existence of the severely disabled,’ the director explained. (Photo: János Bődey / Index)


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 ‘In my opinion, the greatest value of institutions like Topház is that those visiting such places cannot help re-evaluating and reconsidering the notion they have formed about people. One has to realize that there are not only smiling, blonde, tanned people with 32 teeth in the world,’ Formanek said. (Photo: János Bődey / Index)


Originally published in Hungarian in May 2014 on Index.hu
Text by Anna Csonka
Photos by János Bődey
Translated by TRM


And the winner is...

13/3/2014

 
Last night saw about 170 people come out to support the five 2014 Gift of the Gab finalists. New Orleans was swinging. Joe Murphy graciously agreed to give our judges some practice, delivering a sacrificial prepared speech which opened by him thanking this beard for sticking by him. Joe's never short of content and had he been competing, he'd have been in the running. Our judges - Kevin, Gerard, Viki, Attila, and Hans - had a tough job ahead of them.

First out of the draw was Gretchen Meddaugh who gave what I think was one of the best prepared speeches this season. Linking Kevin Bacon, Frigyes, and
Erdös to movies, math papers, and Hungary was just about as clever as it gets. Next Virginia Proud justified the time she spends in front of a television and the important, if not vital, role it plays in social bonding. Addicts: you are absolved. Tasleem Lalji got everyone's attention with her account of taking her kids on a plane and gave some of us pause for thought. I'd like to think that I won't hope the next kid-accompanied parent I see on a flight doesn't sit near me. With the three ladies setting a strong pace, our first gentleman on stage last night was Viktor Morandini who regaled us with the perks of being dumped. And finally, Matt Tricks taught us all we needed to know, including the calls and hand signals, to work on a trading floor in an investment bank. Who'd have thought it, eh?

With not much between them and everything to play for, the competitors headed into the impromptu round. First up, Matt gave the audience a choice: stalking or fingers. Some were a little worried that we might revisit the perianal glands of last month when the audience went for fingers - but instead we got what one judge described as a great step forward for Anglo-Irish relations - British chocolate fingers being dipped in Barry's Irish tea. Next up, Virginia let the audience pick between obsession and getting adjusted to new underwear. Honestly, the mind boggles. No prizes for guessing which one Virginia was landed with. Having recently stocked up on the unmentionables in London, though, she was up for the challenge. Gretchen also went to the audience with a sexy time in Minsk and hair loss. ('Cmon people - can't we do better than this for topics?) It says something about her mental dexterity when she can make shaving your legs sound like a viable option for a weekend in the capital of Europe's last dictatorship. Tasleem had to pick between how much can a kaola bear (yes, it's a pun) and ladies tights.  Given the koala, she went to the top of a tree and became a mama bear, causing one judge to forsake their life-long love of pandas and make the switch.   Finally the audience picked all good deeds have an equal punishment rather than bed bugs for Viktor, who again, held our attention with accounts trading up after being traded in.

Stellar performances - great talent - a new standard set. Congratulations to you all. But there was only one trophy, one title. And this year it went to Viktor Morandini.
Well done, you. Viktor took home a tropy sponsored by the IHBC and a 12-year-old bottle of Jameson, a book on Irish whiskey, and some Butlers Irish chocolates given by the Embassy of Ireland [don't forget to like their new Facebook page, Viktor - I've even added the link to make it easy for you!]

The night itself wouldn't have been possible without the negotiating powers of Zsuzsa Bozo. Thanks  to Steve Collison for taking photos (again), Ilona Miklos for collecting the topics (as always), Bea Bincze and Csilla Réka Wheeler for taking care of the roving mics. To Patrick McMenamin, Beth Spilsjack and Monica Heneghan for selling raffle tickets and to Jeremy, our scorekeeper, for doing his usual job with great aplomb. Thanks, too, to the judges -
Kevin, Gerard, Viki, Attila, and Hans - who were in great form and did a stellar job. To the Jookers for the music and to the staff at New Orleans for providing the venue.

Prizes for the tombolo came from the IHBC, Indigo Indian Restaurant, Jack Doyle's Irish Pub and Restaurant, Jameson, Liquid Gold (Guinness), Little Britain Language School, and Milestone Management and Forwarding Ltd. Thanks to you all for your generosity.

The night raised a whopping 503 000 huf. Not bad for a Wednesday night in Budapest. Go raibh mile maith agaibh go léir. And if you're thinking about competing in the 2015 season, you have a few months to get that bio ready.

Perianal glands and palinka

19/2/2014

 
After four seasons of the Gift of the Gab  - that's 100 speakers giving more than 200 speeches, I thought I'd heard just about everything that could have been said - on stage - within the set parameters of no cursing, no sex, no religion, and no politics. Well, I was wrong.

First up tonight, Tim Child 
took us through a visit to Hungary in the 1990s that ended up being the party of a lifetime with two strangers, a river, and a bottle of palinka. Attila Szabó introduced us to Vladimir - the Russian father of the bride who wanted toasts, toasts and more toasts at his daughter's wedding. Attila Szigeti shared the pain of his struggles to get fit and no, I will never look at kettledrums again, nor will I ever hear the term 'big balls' without thinking of Mr Szigeti. Matt Tricks shared some intimate veterinary tales involving tweezers, puss, canine anuses, fake vaginas and rubber gloves. I'm going to pitch his take on artificial insemination to the Discovery Channel so you might get another chance to see it. Franc Anderson introduced us to the most lucid of beings - the one who even in times of fury and angst can manage to speak clearly and rationally - the Irish mother.

Going into the second half - the impromptu round -
Franc stuck with his first topic, Truly Madly Deeply and took us with him to the mountains where we met two old ladies, a dog, a fallen climber and a pants full of s*&^. I challenge you to put all that together and make story - he did. It worked. Tim went to the audience with this two picks - rain stopped play and the revenge of the white cat. They wanted to hear about the white cat and, surprisingly from a man who confesses to be allergic to the feline species, he managed to put his feelings aside and deliver. Attila Szigeti was next up and he, too, asked the audience to choose. This time between how my shampoo changed my life and is 80s 70s and 60s music better than what we have now, and why? The audience went for shampoo and Attila started out by telling us about a trip to Nice - and how he'd forgotten to pack his shampoo. Unfortunately he then forgot to mention shampoo again and while images of a great white Scottish whale washing up on the beach in France were compelling, the judges wanted shampoo.  For Matt, the audience chose to find out more about what he'd do if he were Mayor of Budapest for a day rather than learn about his worst cooking experience. If you're out walking and see castles of dog poop with little Hungarian flags sticking out of them... blame Matt. Last up, Attila Szabo picked not knowing when to stop and caterpillars. And the audience asked to see if he knew when to stop... he did. Mission accomplished.

The judges - Claudia, Maurice, Keith, Sam, and Patrick - did a stellar job and after working his magic, scorekeeper Jeremy Wheeler pronounced Matt Tricks  as the final finalist for the 2014 GOTG. And it was a close call.

Matt went home with a trophy sponsored by the IHBC and a fabulously expensive bottle of Irish single malt, courtesy of Granthill Telecom Solutions (aka Young Malcolm). He has three weeks to prepare for the final on March 12.

A massive thank you to all who participated. To Steve for taking photos, Kath for doing the door, Ilona for taking the topics, the Cotton Club for giving us the venue, Hans and Julia for their roving mics, Jeremy for scoring, the judges for judging, the speakers for speaking, and the audience for showing up and adding another  95000 huf to the fund.


Details of the final and tickets and all that will follow next week. Just mark your diaries. If you're in Budapest on the 12th you won't want to be anywhere but the New Orleans!




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