In yet another entertaining round in the quest to see who in Budapest has the gift of the gab, five speakers made a play for their place in the March 2014 final. First up for the prepared speeches, Bea Bincze gave us an insight into her son's attempts to teach her how to play football. When she asked him what he would do when he was big like his mom, he replied, with a innocence that only children have: Diet! Next up, Gordon Cross took us on a journey through a series of one liners and his interpretation of the GOTG rules that ended up in Reparia. Our third speaker, Michael Gray, explored the importance of being... well... important, taking a call from him bank at the end, that showed that his call, if not he himself, was important to them. Henry Scullion revealed the secret to making more money from what we do. Those in the audience now know what they need to do to make big bucks. GOTG: always an education! Finally, Virginia Proud got up close and personal with kangaroos. Who knew that they could grow to 2 metres, weigh 100 kg, and travel at 70km and hour. Or that one hop could them them 8-9m and 3m into the air? Or....

The judges were in fine fettle. At one stage it sounded a little like a round of series critiquing from an international speech competition ... but duly oiled, after the break, things loosened up a little when our five speakers returned to try their hand at impromptu speaking.

Michael asked the audience to choose between the most interesting facts about Irish pubs and crazy people on the tram. Associating a tram ride around Budapest like a horse moving on a chess board was inspired. We heard a lot about trams and such, but the crazy people were conspicuous by their absence. Gordon also went to the audience with his two picks: singing opera and oral hygiene. No prizes for guessing which they went for and now everyone knows what a filthy mouth Gordon has. Bea was asked whether she'd apply for a job that involved a one-way ticket to Mars or to talk about Scottish Independence. She went to Mars wondering how old she'd actually be when she got there! Henry stuck with his first pick - intermittent fasting -  and for the second time in one night, gave us something to think about. We're all now on the road to being super rich and healthy and skinny. What's not to like? When Virginia asked the audience to choose between public transport and an itsy bitsy teeney weeney [yellow] polka dot bikini there wasn't much doubt which she'd end up talking about. And her account of people-watching at the Lukas baths was enough to secure her place in the final in March.

We've come a long way since the first series way back when we had just one woman in the final. This year we will have three. Go the sisters!

A huge thank you to our sponsors Ken White, for the bottle of booze; the IHBC for the trophy; and the Cotton Club for the venue. Thanks go also to Steve for taking photos, Kath for doing the door, Csilla and Gretchen for managing the floor mics, Ilona corralling the suggestions, and the inimitable Jeremy Wheeler for keeping score and heckling the judges.

It is the randomness of the judging that puts the slam into speech slam and last night was no exception. Matt, Kath, Giovanna, Balazs, and Marcus... hats off to you for giving it your all.

See ye all next month, February 19, same time (7.30) same place (Cotton Club) for the final qualifying round.

A packed house greeted the five speakers who took the stage at Round III of the 2014 Gift of the Gab in the Cotton Club last night. Dublin man Dave Lally, our first speaker from Ireland this season, did his bit to convince us to print our photos - to make them real. And some of the images he left us with are already imprinted indelibly on my brain: Camembert cheese and men in white lycra shorts - a heady combination. Second up, also from Ireland (just like buses - you can wait for one for ever and then they call come together!) mad man Brendan Dunne drew some great parallels between Hungarians and the Irish. He may well have given his Hungarian wife a sense a humour, but he did better from the trade with the new-found appreciation for culture that she so generously bestowed on him. Second-time gabber, Miklos Morandini had us in stitches as he wondered how food was discovered. I am still laughing at the thoughts of one caveman betting another three foxpelts to suck on a cow's teat. Zita Harsányi, herself a GOTG veteran, regaled us with tales of love in West Yorkshire and how she had to compete with a cat for one man's attentions. Last up in the first half was Tasleem Lalji who gave a hilarious account of arranged marriages in India. Hubbie of 26 years was in the audience as living proof that they work!

Heading into the second half, Dave asked the audience to choose between airplanes and how to tell your colleague you're in love with them. I'm wondering how his day at the office is going :-) For Brendan, the audience ignored the question - do you think high school ever ends? - and instead asked him to dream that he was Chuck Norris. Now, Chuck might have the six-pack abs and the bank account, but Brendan reckons he can match that smile any day. Zita had a challenge to make something of her subject, the Eurovision Song Contest, but the EV fans in the audience appreciated her account. Miklos was faced with silence as he asked the audience to choose between his best adrenalin experience and how to avoid large ships. Large ships won out and at long last, the iceberg that sank the Titanic got its due. No one wanted to hear Tasleem talk about going to the dentist - we wanted to her about what she thinks the best freebie is... A veteran fundraiser, she had little trouble accounting for various freebies from that extra baby (twins!) to hubbie's paycheck.

In what was a very exciting night with some excellent presentations, we had our first tie-break of the season. Miklos and Tasleem faced off, both speaking on the same topic: Facebook stalking. While Miklos repeatedly assured us that he wasn't guilty, Tasleem fessed up to stalking with relish. As the inimitable Jeremy Wheeler put it - there was just a fag-paper's width between the two of them with Tasleem going through to the final in March. It all worked out well though. Tasleem (a teetotaler)  gave the bottle of whisky, generously sponsored by the Caledonia, to Miklos, so both went home happy.

A great night - one of the best for far - in which we raised 136 000 forint for the orphanage. Thanks to the IHBC for sponsoring the trophy, the Caledonia for the booze, and the Cotton Club for the venue. Huge thanks , too, to Steve and Ed for taking photos and to the team -  Jeremy, Kath, Ilona, Bea, and David  -  for making the night run smoothly. A big thanks to our judges - Monica, Eric, Emese, Patrick and Zsuzsa.

We're having a break in December so will see you all again in January - the 15th - for another great lineup. There still are some speaking slots available, so don't be backward about coming forward.

And a date for your diary: if you're out and about on Saturday night, come see Ancient Truth (a play in English) at the Atrium and follow it up with the 

Tens, tens, and more tens: the standard at last night's Gift of the Gab was evident in the scores. Five speakers took to the stage in their quest to secure a place at the 2014 GOTG final in March. First up, Zoltan Vajda gave an entertaining and heartwarming speech on growing up with a stammer. Next, Marianne Powell explored the pitfalls of assuming that just because a foreign word sounds like something you recognise doesn't necessarily mean that it has the same meaning. Madman Kevin Simcock left us thinking after his account of writing his own eulogy.  Second-time-rounder Viktor Morandini revealed the troubles he's had putting on weight (yes, trouble!) while Brandon Davis  shared his thoughts and research on names, anagrams, and corresponding job positions.

The prepared speeches over with, the audience put their collective heads together and came up with some rather interesting topics for the second half - the impromptu session.

Brandon picked two topics: Long distance relationships and table tennis balls and the audience went for the latter. Did you know that you can fix a dent in a table tennis ball using a hairdryer? Amazing what you learn on a Wednesday night in Budapest. Next up, Kevin stuck with his first topic - granny panties - and for the innocent amongst us, gave a fine demonstration of the phenomenon known as torquing. (I was surprised that the fate of Bridget Jones's grannies now that Darcy has been killed off didn't get a mention.) For Zoltan, the audience had to choose between what you would say to Napoleon if you met him  and your funniest trip to the zoo. Surprisingly, they wanted to go to the zoo and in what was an innovative and inspired impromptu, Zoltan turned the audience into animals. Marianne had to choose between how to have a party with no money and cucumbers and their many applications in modern life. No prizes for guessing which one the audience voted for there. Did you know that non-Catholic sex education classes in the UK teach practical skills using cucumbers? Last up, Viktor, too, had a choice: How to teach onions to talk or do corporate outward bound courses really work? It was onions all the way and his solution? Time, a locked room, and a psychiatrist.

Our judges - Charles, Tunde, Rupert, Daniel, and Tim - were on form and eventual winner, who goes forward to meet with Gretchen Meddaugh in the final in March is .... Viktor Morandini. Congrats to all for taking part and to the audience for showing up and donating 106 000 forint towards the orphanage.

Thanks, too, to Steve and Edd  for photos, to Kath for doing the door, to Zsuzsa and Ilcsi for working the mics and to Gerard for once again stepping in for Jeremy. To our sponsors Jack Doyle's and the IHBC - go raibh mile maith agaibh.

Places and spaces are filling up fast so if you are tempted and want to get up on that stage, let us know asap.

We've come a long way from the days when Gretchen and me would hound the streets of Budapest looking for speakers. Spaces are filling up fast. We have a great line-up for October with an American, a Canadian, a Brit, and two Hungarians. But, for the second month in a row, we don't have any Irish representation...  what gives, lads? Where's the pride?

Jack Doyle's is flying the flag though and sponsoring this month's bottle of booze - go raibh maith agaibh. Now, if only I could figure out a way to get Charles or Paul on stage, I could fill the Irish void.

I was surprised at how nervous I was yesterday evening. I mean, it's not like I haven't done this before... but the first night is always a little nerve-wracking. The Cotton Club was full though and everyone was on form, particularly the judges :-)

First up, Gretchen Meddaugh took us on a tour of Budapest listing her top five museums dealing with the macabre. If you want to know where to find a cookbook for the dead, just ask her. Or perhaps see xrays of a Karinthy Frigyes's brain tumour. Next up, Csaba Kötcsei regaled us with his version of Speed, minus Keanu Reeves and Sandra Bullock. Buses losing wheels in Tatabanya and Csaba saving the day by throwing some nuts across the highway. Ya had to be there! Balázs Toth, father of Max, he who derailed global satellites by lobbing his pacifier into outer space, spoke of the trials and tribulations of parenthood. Joe Murphy talked movingly about the importance of telling those nearest and dearest to us that we love them before it's too late. The audience didn't know whether to laugh or cry and, I suspect, some might even have done both. Mark Weston was out to get points (his words, not mine!) and wove a delicate balance of English/Irish/Scottish jokes into 19 years of living in Budapest.

First round over, and we had a three-way tie so Gerard Lucey (standing in for Jeremy Wheeler as scorekeeper extraordinaire) had contestants draw lots.

First up was Balázs and he stuck with his first pick: time management. Sharing speaking experiences of old, it was hard to imagine that he once said nothing ... for five minutes... on the subject of grasshoppers. Next up, Mark also stuck with his first pick: the man in the mirror. He unexpectedly struck a serious note as he entreated us to give to the world, to have liberal spirits, to take a look at what we see in the mirror and be sure we like what's reflected. For Csaba, the audience got to choose between best holiday ever and hops or barley. For a man who didn't know what hops and barley are used for, he did a fine job of pulling it together, and even brought back the bus! Joe Murphy also asked the audience to decide for him, this time between college people and why men disappear. We'd had an insight into Joe's mind in the first half so his rousing tribute to women, and how we rock the world, was both poignant and funny. You da man, Joe! Gretchen opted to stick with why women need to take the first step - or do they? and, I suspect, knowing some of the women in the room, she might have been preaching to the converted. Judging by the action at the bar afterwards, her advice struck home.

It was close. Very close. The judges - Vicki, Tamás, June, Howard, and Ken - definitely put the 'slam' into the evening leaving the audience wondering at times if we'd all been in the same room. But that's what makes GOTG a speech slam and not a speaking competition. Gretchen has taken her first step and goes through to the final in March.

It was a great night - we raised 91 000 ft on the door and the lovely Carrie Murphy topped us up to 100 000 ft. I just love round numbers. Thanks, Carrie!

Thanks, too, to Tim Child from Little Britain for the bottle of Jameson, to the IHBC for the trophy, to the Cotton Club for the venue. And, as ever, to those who make the night work: Kath for doing the door, Kris and Zsuzsa for taking photos, Gerard for scorekeeping, the speakers for speaking, the judges for judging, and the audience for being there and supporting the cause.

We have a full programme on October 16  but don't worry - we still have spaces in November, January, and February. Don't leave it too long though - get off the fence and sign up. You know you want to!

It's my favourite time of year. Just a couple of weeks to go to the opening round of the 2014 Gift of the Gab and I can already feel a coolness in the air. People are beginning to avoid me, to ignore my emails and not return my calls. Were I made of lesser stuff, I might be beating down my therapist's door in search of solace, but I've gotten used to it. Hunting season has opened and every English-speaking resident in Budapest is fair game.

That said, it looks like I might be deprived of the intense satisfaction I get from convincing someone to take the plunge and give just eight minutes of their life for such a good cause.
With a fortnight i hand, September's speakers are all set to go. We have three returning voices and two who are making their GOTG debut.

Last year we raised 1.500.000 forints for the orphanage and this year we won't be just propping up the bar, we'll be raising it.

Check out the line-up and make sure you mark Wednesday, 25th September in your diary. I expect to see you in the Cotton Club. If you're not there, I promise I will hunt you down. I have to get my kicks somehow!

To say that I'm overwhelmed by the generosity out there wouldn't even come close to expressing how I'm feeling right now. For once, I'm stuck for words.

A couple of weeks ago, The Club ran its second annual race night for the Give a Little campaign in support of the orphanage, raising 80 000 ft on the night. A huge thanks to Michael, Gary, Stuart, Alan, and Rita and everyone else who contributed to making it such a great night. The fact that my horses are all still running is neither here nor there! The Club meets each Friday at Champs Sports Bar on Dohany utca and will present their donation on 3 May - come along and show your support.

Then the wonderful Beth Spisljak, our very own Zumba Queen, ably assisted by her equally wonderful husband Zoran and the inimitable Ms Nicole Jones, organised a charity Zumba event and raised a whopping 62 000 ft. Not bad work for a couple of hours on a Saturday morning. And, picture this: she even had me moving, which in itself is a monumental achievement. If you haven't yet tried it, check out the next class on Wednesday. It kicks off at 6.30pm at Kmety György utca 15., Budapest, Hungary, 1062. Have fun while getting fit. What more could your body ask for?

And, if this wasn't enough, today I had a call from Gerrards International who donated a further
100 000 ft to the kitty. Am blown away.

This means that the total raised for the 2013 GOTG is a record-breaking 1,484,000 ft, every single forint of which will go to replacing all 17 interior doors in one of the wings. What an achievement. A heartfelt thanks to everyone who contributed in any away at all. This is an amazing testament to what we can do if we pull together united in a cause.

I was right. No one died last night at the GOTG 2013 final as our five competitors took the stage for the second time to see which one would walk away with the cup and the glory. To get the judges in their groove, Csaba Kotcsei volunteered to be our sacrificial speaker and gave an hilarious account of an exchange with a homeless entreprenneur who deals in parking fines. The judges rated him highly and this set the standard for the evening. He's one to watch, is Csaba. That dog will hunt.

The first speaker up was Zoran Spisljak who used his five minutes to talk about the brain and in particular those voices inside our heads that do battle when we have a glass or two of wine. Next came Scott Alexander Young who continued the theme of substance abuse and shared some of his experiences as an actor (did you know the collective noun for a group of actors is a 'bitch'?). Viki Végh was suitably inspired by a previous impromptu topic (langós) and gave her interpretation of healthy vs hedonistic eaters. Hans Peterson  meandered down a road that started with football, led to heart transplants, went on to talk about his mum's Internet dating success and then somehow came back again to football. Nourddine Hajjouj ended the first round with a compelling monologue on failure and how we should not fear it.

Heading into the second round, things were close. Viki went with her first topic Internet dating and gave an hilarious account of her experiences online, introducing (to me, at least) a particularly memorable phrase - digital suicide. Next up, Nour had to choose between horsemeat and the colour of the smoke at Vatican city.  Unfortuately for him, the audience was in a particularly cruel mood and the man from Morocco (a country that's 8% Roman Catholic) fell foul of religion. No, Nour, the pope doesn't have a wife... Hans got to choose between plastic surgery and fitness and doing the Harlem Shake. And yes... the latter won out. And yet more education - I'd never heard of a meme before - and will now wonder which woman in what hotel first folded the loo roll into a neat triangle; and the Harlem Shake is not a dance! Zoran had to talk about either the dog in his bed or the worst date of his life. And, wanting to know the gory details, the audience went for the exposition. While the poor chap was waiting for this date to show up, he met and married the lovely Beth. Last up, Scott had to pick between two novellas - have you ever had a penfriend, and if so what did you write about  or what in your personal history has led you to be on stage right now. It was penfriends all the way and apart from sharing inside leg measurements with a marine, we were left none the wiser as to what was said, although we did find out to whom it was said.

The judges - Kevin, Mark, Valerie, Gretchen, and Giovanna - were in fine form. Despite some minor heckling, the audience seemed to be in agreement that the best speaker of the night, and the winner of the 2013 GOTG was Mr Hans Peterson.

We had about 200 people in the room - some of whom were first-timers. The venue was spectacular and we added thousands to the kitty (thanks to Kath and Rupert for doing the raffle). The 2013 GOTG raised the grand total of 1 242 000 huf for the orphanage! A huge thanks go out to our sponsors: Zsuzsa and Patrick and the staff at the Caledonia who took care of the venue, ticket sales, and the tombola prizes);  Charles and Elvi at Jack Doyle's for sponsoring the programmes and getting some raffle prizes; Dani at Guinness Ireland; Rob at Prime Cuts for the 10 000 ft gift voucher for the winner; Jason at FoxAutorent; the IHBC for the trophy, and Tim at Little Britain for the bottle of booze. A big, big, big thank you to the staff and management at New Orleans for giving the venue for free.

Additional raffle prizes were donated by Tim Child, Mary Nugent, Rupert Slade, Jameson, Dairygold, the British Pantry, Robert Burns Foundation, Firkin, and the IHBC. And nDairygold supplied the cheese samples Rob introduced.

Thanks, too, to the team - Steve, Kath, Rupert, Ilona, Jeremy, Dave, Zsusza, Patrick, Valerie, Linda, Bea, and Virginia - who all worked hard to make it happen.

A reminder to those of you who approached me last night with an interest in taking part in the 2014 event - email me at [email protected] with a photo and bio and then we can talk.

Enjoy the rest of the St Patrick's week festivities which feature the Irish Film Festival tonight, a gala dinner tomorrow night and then the parade on Sunday. I only hope the white in the tricolour doesn't come from snow!

As I move between blind moments of panic and a bewildering sense of calm, I keep telling myself that no one is going to die. No matter what happens on the night, no one will die. There are just four sleeps left before the big night, a night that - thanks to all of you - is becoming a feature of Budapest's English-language entertainment scene. The frock has been demothballed, Jeremy's tux is ready for an airing, and Zsuzsa and Patrick have the final arrangements in hand.

Speaking to co-founder Gretchen Meddaugh recently, we reminisced about that first round in 2009 when if we had 30 people in the room, we were delighted. That season didn't make a bob. In fact, subsidising it cut a large hole in my pocket money. GOTG then skipped a year as Gretchen moved  away and I, quite frankly, couldn't be arsed to give it the time and attention it needed.
It might look like it  all just happens on the night, but there is a huge amount of effort involved in keeping it all together and a strong team working behind the scenes to make sure it all comes off on the night.

In 2010, after the IHBC AGM, I was cornered by Messrs Lucey, O'Sullivan, Elders, Downey, and Harron in the basement of a pub called the Dog's Bollox. I'd heard murmurings that others wanted to kidnap my baby and plied with enough cider, I found myself agreeing to do it all again - but this time, for charity. Terry and Kenny (of the then Fun Palace) offered a free venue. Speakers stepped up to the mark. And that season, we bagged an average of 80 punters a night. The final at the Orfeum sold out at 160 and we made my target - 660 000 forints - a number I'd plucked from the air.

This season, we moved to the Cotton Club and with some generous sponsorship managed to keep costs at bay. For once, we had more speakers than speaking slots and had to turn people away. We averaged an audience of 100 each night and have sold out the final at 200 for this coming Thursday. We've already broken the 1 million forint target and I'm thrilled skinny about that (well, not literally, but you know what I mean).

As our speakers get their voices in gear and as the rest of you get ready to be entertained and party down on Thursday night, I'd just like to say a heartfelt thanks to all of you who made this happen. For your support, your generosity, and your belief in the event.

Go raibh mile maith agaibh go léir.

In the last of the qualifying rounds for the GOTG 2013 final, Hungarian Zita Harsányi was first to take the stage in front of a packed Cotton Club audience. Regaling us with how she began to learn English, Zita added music and props to what was a charming performance. Next up, Viktor Morandini (the first of the two Morandini brothers on stage last night) introduced us to the art of Krav Maga, which he practices with his girlfriend, leading to all sorts of raised eyebrows from friends and colleagues. Well, if he told you what he'd spent the evening trying to stab his girlfriend but she kneed him where the sun don't shine, you might raise a brow, or two, as well.  Third up, another Hungarian, Ilona Hegedus, took the folkloric route and entertained us with tales of Hungarian witches and witchcraft. Next, Miklós Morandini, the youger, spoke about speaking and gave the audience some handy tips, despite miscounting the few Irish in the room as a majority! Last to take the stage was New Zealander Scott Alexander Young, who spoke in quite moving terms of the smiliarities between Hungary and New Zealand - both isolated nations. [Ya had to be there!]

Going into the second half, we had a three-way tie betwee Viktor, Miklós, and Scott. A close competition. First up, Ilona drew  an interesting topic: What if a Martian met a Hungarian? She decided to stick with this and spoke for three minutes on he, she or it... Next up, Zita's first choice was to talk about a time in her life when she helped someone out. Poor girl is still waiting for a homeless chap to call her to arrange to give back the change from the 5000 forint note she shared with him. Keep the faith, Zita! The world needs people like you. On drawing the rather topical topic of The new Pope, Scott went for a second pick - Grandmothers - and the audience decided that the latter was more interesting. He left us with an initialism - GILF - grannies I'd like to flirt with - and a set of images that will take some time to dispel. For Viktor, the audience opted to hear about the St Valentine's Massacre rather than his first job. And he did well to stick to the topic, despite the fact that his girlfriend is miles away today and their Valentine's dinner will be held on Skype. That's twenty-first-century romance for you. Miklós didn't even read his first topic because he knew he was going to give the audience a choice: Theorectical physics or what does a vegetarian eat in Hungary. Well, in a meat-loving nation, it's a difficult one, but he pulled it off.

So, to the final goes ... [drum roll] ... Mr Scott Alexander Young. Congratulations to all for taking part and to the judges for being such excellent armchair advisors. Thanks to Granthill Telecom Solutions, PhD Media, and the IHBC for sponsoring the event. And as always, thanks to Steve for the photos, to Kath for doing the door, Ilona for sorting the ideas, David  for looking after the website, and the inimitable Jeremy Wheeler for keeping score.

We're getting ready for the big final (and a massive massive thank you to Zsuzsa Bozo for taking on the organisation) and tickets are already selling like langos on a wintry day. You can get yours at the Caledonia and check for more details on the website under LATEST NEWS. See you all on Thursday, 14th March, at New Orleans on Lovag Utca where the winner of GOTG 2013 will be crowned.